Though I'm not young, I have had but one Valentines day. I was fourteen and my teacher asked me to stay back after morning registration. She handed over chocolates and a card, her instructions being to give it to me alone so that I wasn't embarrassed. The tin was quite large and round, pretty to look at, Quality Street I think. Inside the card it simply said, "Valentine, I would move heaven and earth for you." There was no name, no clues, just that, and I loved it.
The next day is Valentines and there is a small part of me that hopes Darius will find some small way to show affection. Already he's buried in his computer but I sidle over to ask anyway. "So, do you want to do anything with me or should I just fill my day?"
Barely looking up he tells me to fill it. Apparently today there will be less affection that usual rather than more just to make his point. He will win, I will loose and that's the only way he can accept it. I smile again and withdraw. There are many things I can do, many things I always do, but today I'll just feel that little bit more lonely.
Valentines day is so frickin' dumb it almost melts my mind. "I know, lets have a holiday to mis-teach young people what love is, entice them to be greedy and inculcate insecurity. Really, it's a great idea, we'll sell more crap they never needed; think of the economy. All those cards, chocolates, sweat-shop lingerie items in chemical dyed tissue." Really, really? It's right up there with halloween, "screw showing respect to the dead, let's sell insanely overhyped costumes also made in sweatshops and get the kids more addicted to candy." Come on, we've got to be smarter than this. Tell me we can be smarter. Please...
On this Valentines day I want nothing but you in my arms. In this life you are my treasure, the one I hold dear in all of life's joys and storms. Feasting and parties have their place, but tonight all I want is to be close to you, to feel your heart beat next to mine.
Valentines day came like fine cake dropped to the floor; everything we did feeling like sugary fluff at our feet. We said all the words, we bought all the right "ingredients," but at the end of the day there were no better than a fairytale spell brought into the real world. Once we were lovers who'd have stopped time just for one more kiss, who'd have paid any price to keep the other safe and well, yet after seven years of passing like ships in the night as we make ends meet this is who we've become. We need to find a way back into each other's hearts, feel the fire burning for one another. I don't how to do it; I'm so scared we won't make it, but I know the answer can't be bought from a store.
It's Valentines. Every time I check social media someone is showing off their flowers, their hotel bookings, their "surprise" vacation. There are pictures of their fancy dinners and sickly sweet public messages of affection. Not that I'm jealous. Brian cooked me a dinner, took him hours, everything from scratch. Yet when I sit to eat it I feel cold, like the joy has drained right out of my socked feet into the bare tiles. I don't get it. I don't want Brian to see the disappointment in my eyes but he already has...
Valentines day was a walk in the park, his hand in mine. It was skipping stones over the briny waves and sharing a flask of hot chocolate on the sea wall. Valentines was when we got lost in each other's eyes and touched one another's faces as if they were the holy grail. Because to me, because to him, that's what we were. He'll never grow old in my eyes, I'll never grow old in his, the eyes of love see in such a different way...
We had our own Valentines day - the day we fell in love. It was awesome to be out of sync with everyone else. We had no problems making our restaurant reservations and there was no hike in the price of flowers. We would stroll hand in hand down the boulevard to the local Italian restaurant, everyone else busy with their day and us in our own bubble of romance. It was cool. We loved it. It was our secret day and no-one else needed to know.
When Valentines day came Eddie had so much planned. He woke up early and rolled out of bed, moving softly down the stairs to the kitchen. He moved about the kitchen with the kind of smile on his face that couldn't hide the love that warmed him from within. Twenty minutes later he had pancakes, raspberries and freshly squeezed juice on the side. By the time he got upstairs Carl was only just stirring. He laid the tray gently on the floor and leaned in for a kiss, feeling a tingle spreading from his lips.
"Darling, I have breakfast. Happy Valentines!" Carl opened sleepy eyes and a warm grin spread over his face.
"Eddie, my love, you are intoxicating in all the right ways." After another whiskery kiss Eddie brought up the breakfast tray and set it before him.
"I have a few more surprises after this," Eddie said. Carl smiled with a mouthful of toast, crumbs decorating his beard.
"Not to expensive, I hope." Eddie chuckled and stroked Carl's hair with his hand.
"No, my love, not expensive -just a lot of fun I hope."
When Dora was little valentines day meant one thing - chocolate. What wasn't to like? Everyone got cards and the class had a party. Fabulous! A day to celebrate love and eat candy? Right on! When she got to middle school it felt less pleasant, exciting in a way, but the pretty girls got cards and the ugly ones got either nothing or "joke cards" to wind them up. When she got her first boyfriend she was all of a buzz, finally the romantic dinner, the candles, the rose petals! Finally she would be one of the lucky ones off to some fancy party! Chad showed up with a dopey little grin, still his work clothes. Then from behind his back he pulled cupcakes that looked like some pre-school baking experiment gone horribly wrong. Dora felt like her guts had just gotten cement pumped into them. This couldn't be right. She had thought Chad loved her and all she got was the worst looking cupcakes in the world. He didn't love her after all. She knew what love looked like and this wasn't it.
My life has never been like a TV commercial. I see them with their white teeth and perfect BMI. I see them always smiling, laughing and making good jokes. Their homes are perfect, in decoration and cleanliness. They drive a nice car and go on vacations. They purchase gifts for one another and expensive hair products because "they're worth it." They show love by spending money. Their children are angelic. They eat only the best food and have fulfilling careers. They aren't me and I'll bet they aren't you. But my life is beautiful. My life is worthwhile. I don't want them telling me what to eat, what to wear. If I want their product I can do my own research and then choose between their pitches. I am not inadequate. My house isn't too small. My car isn't too old. My kids are kids and they'll whine and complain sometimes and I still love them every day. My husband doesn't need to cave to your valentines day or purchase my love at Christmas. Figure out how to run your economy another way.
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