If it had been about me I would have gone. I'm a people person, a connector, a lover of creation... but it never was. Surviving was about everyone else. It's only by living that you can be a good force, have a good impact, increase wellness and happiness. So, that was my motivation. I guess it still is. I do value myself. I'm a great person. But I was built to live in a love-nexus and I need it. If we aren't loving one another, what are we doing and why?
I got where I am by being tough, but the real prize was staying true to the real me. I can switch of all empathy and go cold, see ulterior motives from a mile off like some crazy windmill punch, but I save that for when I'm around the cold fish who can't see that emotional indifference is bad. Those cats are locked into coldness; they lost their ability to love. That's a high price to pay for money and power - it's the surrendering of the soul. Not me though. I can still love. I just learned how to put a door over the top of my heart, one I can lock, unlock, close or open whenever I want. So when I see the real thing, an open heart that's vulnerable and real, I open the door so wide and we connect. It's my superpower and I hope it can be yours. There's more to being a survivor than just hanging on, you can really learn how to thrive and help others do the same.
So you came to attack again, you coward. You come while I sleep and sneak into this home uninvited. You are so pathetic. Though it will take a while to get back to normal, to feel the strength I had before, I will get there because I am made of the right stuff. Love keeps me strong, love for myself, for others and the world. So when I think of you it is as something dull and wilted, a thing to be ignored.
There is so much to admire, but your raw honesty is the best part. I love how your words spill out real slow as if the truth can take its time. It's as if there is a force behind them, yet the kind that is respectful and quiet - a determination that's observant and patient. And in those words is a wonderful compassion, an awareness of the vulnerability of others, of the sort that is born of painful experience. So when you tell me of your sorrows, believe me when I say I believe you, because it's right there in everything you are, from your eyes to the pattern of your thoughts. You are as the loving parent, tidying, supporting yet encouraging growth. It takes a great spirit to come through so very much and become the person that you are. So yeah, I admire you, that's easy peasy.
Love, it's okay to be a human with a monster mask if that's what you need to survive. It tells me that you're still under there, the perfect child you always were. The problem in this world is the one's who sold their souls to become monsters with masks of skin, with smiles to mimic the warm hearted. Perhaps one day we will forge a world safe enough for us all to be humans with human faces, to be feel at one with who we really are, with our true natures, and with nature herself.
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