Fear, being scared, has a biological purpose, but it can't be left as a constantly ringing alarm bell. In time you'll learn to ignore it, but what we need to do instead is give you a real sense of safety and loving security.
When your cortisol levels come down, when you return to a more calm state, you and I will work through this fear together. Triggers are very challenging. We can gain awareness of them and, in time, master them. Being a scared person is tough, so, it is time to take real steps into being an emotionally secure person who feels happy.
Being a scared person in a scary world is tough. I wish you had been born into better times. So, when you are scared, recall that I love you and my love brings protection. I am your shield. I am your home. So come. Everything will be alright.
The scared seek safety, yet the primitive brain is a blunt tool with blunt solutions that do more harm than good. So, first, the best thing you can do is provide the right kind of first aid - love and security. Then, when they are ready, their prefrontal cortex will be allowed to come back "online." Then you can reach them, then they will feel that you "see" them.
A scared person is locked in. They react rather than respond, showing the survival self rather than the reasonable and highly evolved self. Only empathy and safety will bring them back, unlock their door, allow them to see the situation from the outside, from a new perspective. Love is the key. It is always the key.
It is as if she has retreated inside of herself; instead of being here with me, she's watching in the same way she watches television. It's as if the sounds are arriving in her brain from far, far away and my touch is somehow disconnected. And so I tell her over and over that I'm really here, that I'll always be here. I tell her softly yet at a volume that reaches inside and soothes that which ran and hid. It takes time for the soul to reemerge, to seek the sunlight instead of the shade, but there is no other way - patient love, time, welcoming the bond that develops, keeping it steady and real.
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