You wished you were my date on New Year's Eve, yet you are in my thoughts daily - and though that date would be so wonderful, I'd take any day with you over any grand occasion.
It feels so corny to wish to see you in the holidays, to be with you New Year's Eve and see the new year in together, yet after the year this has been with all the challenges we all needed to rise to, that's how I feel. I've done my duty this year, I really have. You are my rest at the end of this long day, or I hope that's the way things will turn out.
New Year's resolutions require a solid plan and determination, wishes however are what you ask the universe to help you with, the kind of things you should never plan for yet your heart calls for.
It was the very strangest New Year's Eve, as if the universe needed to say something very clearly. You see, after waiting for so very long for any sign that you would come back for me, I'd given up. That day I'd thrown out something you gave me, the card you had send with a gift, that you'd signed. I threw away part of the outfit I'd worn the day we met. I guess I felt foolish, foolish to keep loving a man who showed little or no interest in me. I was resolved to move on. And that's when the messages came. First, on New Year's Eve I got confirmation of the divorce I'd been waiting on for literally years. What lawyer sends an email on New Year's Eve? Weird, right? Then five minutes later, maybe less, you messaged me, saying you wanted to be lovers, to see me again. I was cut fully loose then you appear to tie on a rope. How odd is that? I was all dressed up at the time, ready to go out to some cocktail fancy dress party with a friend. You assumed it was a date and I let that carry on because it boosted my self esteem. Maybe you'd think me less pathetic if you thought I'd moved on. My friend cancelled, I went alone and arrived to find myself the only one there other than the staff. I went home. Messages you again. You were happy that my "date" was being at home with my puppy. I'd wished for you for so long, then you came back on the date I'd told myself was the last one I'd ever wait for you. So it all began again. I fell in love with you all over again. When you want something that bad, when the Universe does shit like that and more, that's not even the half of it, when it's your own heart that's doing double duty to keep you right there, I guess you have no choice but to let it be. And so the waiting goes on. Perhaps something will happen next New Year's Eve or holiday season, the universe enjoys making circles of chance, I kinda enjoy them too.
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