Putting on that gi I was part of a team. I had a group identity that was a positive thing. We put it on, we bowed, we learned a lot of new ways to throw each other on the floor, breaking fall each time. It was rough, but it was fun. It was the sort of thing that brought on adrenaline but gave you the support and role modelling in how to control that fear. You learned how to keep your brain switched on properly even when danger was sensed. It was a sort of training in calm response and mature thoughts. In a way, it was a kind of physical philosophy, one that allowed wisdom to be taught another way. We all wanted to become like our sensei, to have that self control, self discipline and self confidence. For me jiu jitsu as so much more than self defence in the basic literal sense, it's more of a defence of the sense of self in the context of group cooperation. It bonded us. It taught us more about our humanity. Perhaps you have to try a martial art to feel that or really get it fully. When you train and fight together, you love each other, you just do.
When it came to the "v," as they called it, me standing on the spot with fighters coming in from left and right, some armed, I panicked. I'm not proud of that, but it's me. I love the sporting aspect, getting fit, being with others, helping others... not the fighting part. I quit. I walked away. I wish someone had encouraged me to stay or to return, but I guess that was all on me. I should have made myself get back in there and given it another go. Jiu Jitsu was good for me. It brought out the part of me that believed in myself, that believed I was worth defending and worth keeping safe. I guess it's odd to think that a person can become a young adult and not yet feel that... but one way or another, that's what happened.
We entered that dojo, upon the peeling mats as if it were a sacred forest clearing. Each of us bowed upon passing the doorway. Among us there was a sense of calm, a sense of excitement, a sense of deep focus. I felt back then, kneeling in that white gi, that being there brought my soul to the surface - though before I hadn't realised it had been in hiding. With a hand resting upon each knee, eyes toward our sensei, aware that the rest of the group had formed a circle, the familiar command came, "Sensei ni rei." With that, the group bowed to our teacher and the training began.
Keep track of your favorite writers on Descriptionari
We won't spam your account. Set your permissions during sign up or at any time afterward.