Once I was a backseat passenger in my own life, now I hold the wheel and my own set of keys. You'd think it would be exhilarating to finally have them in my hands, yet for years after I won my independence I pretended to imagine that someone... anyone... but me was doing the driving. I am though. And now I feel that it's time to turn the radio on, let some tracks seep into my soul that feel joyful and free. Maybe someone will come drive alongside me for a while... someone else who has their own keys and plays their own songs...hopefully they'll stay a long while, make this open road a more friendly place... but from here on out... I drive my own car, two hands on the wheel, setting my own sat nav... choosing my own tunes.
There is a form of emotional independence that is hard won. It is the mark of the matured brain, one in control of its emotions to a large extent. It is the state Kipling spoke of in "If," that though we love others deeply, the actions of foes and loving friends that once would have injured, feel dull and manageable. It is a long way from the innocence of childhood, when we assume those we love will protect us, and the road to it has made our feet raw. Yet when everyone "counts with us, but none too much," we are able to walk the right path of love to help others who cannot achieve the same mental health. It is full ability for emotional warmth, for real empathic love, combined with full ability for emotional indifference when either cool logical thought or self protection are necessary. It is a sort of emotional switching of gears, a willingness to move in and out of different mental states according to what is best from the perspective of love. The irony is, if you cannot enjoy solitude, you cannot be reliable for others and immune to corruption. The capacity for true leadership takes great mental pain to form and does so properly when the motivation for doing so is love and protection of others. I got there, so can you.
Independence is a lie. It is if you are human, for we are the preeminent social species of Earth. I can be an independent thinker, but what I am doing is recombining the thoughts of the great thinkers of the ages into new patterns. I can have money, but all I am doing is exchanging it for the labours of others, be they food, shelter or clothing. And for the most part all folks want is a thank-you, an acknowledgement for the worth they bring to the species, to feel valued and loved by others. When the strong help the weaker we are all healthier, but when we recall that we are only strong in some areas and weaker in others, we are wiser. We specialise for the benefit of the group and that only works when others help us where we are weaker. If you have a great intellect but struggle socially, you need others to help you, and the opposite is true. We need each other, humans do. It is what makes us.... us. The human is born to be humane, to love humanity and cooperate.
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