You think you should matter to me still, yet you hurt me when I needed healing, you flung every thing at me that could cause me to feel shame or guilt. Then you acted as if you were the victim and a martyr to boot. How can you matter to me when you became the antimatter of my psychology, when you single handedly created a black hole in my brain that threatened to destroy all that I was or ever could be? Your gas-lighting was aimed at reducing how well my logical brain functioned, to cause an imbalance between that and my creative brain, thus inducing a temporary psychosis that you then exploited for you own gain and... yes... used to pile on more guilt and shame. Since you've been gone I've been healthy and well... You sent me crazy on purpose. You are a monster and our breakup was long, long, long overdue.
If you could stop gaslighting the nation with your brain-farts and flint-stones, that would be just peachy.
Every time the gas-lighting began he said, "You won't remember this but..." The thing is, Boho, I have a world-class memory and a double dose of stubborn. I can recall every word you ever said. All those things you think are hidden, I can say them any time I want. And know that I remain stronger than you. I was never beaten, but took the fall, and since have gained strength. I am, and always was, the protector, the warrior, the teacher and the mother... can you claim any similar thing? Where was your courage? Where was your sacrifice? Where was your love? Are you still hiding under the table while I battle in open fields?
Your lies were the bars of an invisible cage; how does one fight such a thing? In the end the PTSD, the memory blocks, did what no counsellor could ever achieve - it erased your words. So when I fell, when it felt as if the last flicker of my soul would extinguish in that nuclear-winter we had become, when you sought to keep through whips what one word of true love could never lose, the cage simply ceased to be. Now I live again, love again, welcome each dawn with the heart of a child. Age is for the body, never the soul and to carry wisdom with love is a blessing.
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