Most human behaviour is functional, even when it appears as a dysfunction. It is seeking to protect them even if their conscious brain is unaware of this. The kind person, the loving person, realises that the excuse is a shield and looks for why the feel the need to raise it.
Behind every excuse is a reason, and so, if you love someone, its worth seeing them through the lens of empathy and figuring out how best to soothe their soul.
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