In my half dream state I was standing in a puddle and looked down to see my reflection was a zombie, our soles touching yet separate. The good version of myself had achieved separation from the bad version of myself. I had won my soul. I had won true self control and self determination.
When you have self control you can be a solid guardian for those you love. They can depend on you because you are the best version of yourself at all times. That is what it is to become a psychologically mature person.
Self control is a skill you can learn such as any other. Once you could not read, nor walk, nor run... it is a matter of practice and seeking good role models. There is no need, after all, to reinvent the wheel. There are those whom have mastered control and can show you how.
When I'm triggered it is so very hard to have self control, I'm doing the actions, it is my behaviour but it's as if the gas peddle got stuck down and in that acceleration, in that momentum, the steering wheel gets all jammed up too. It's all fight or fight and it's so disappointingly primitive but I can't override it unless I have a friend to help me, to guide, to release that emotional pressure so that I can take back the steering and make good choices. Without someone to love me, to switch my higher brain back on, I'm temporarily stupid...
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