"Honey, we all mess up. Once in a while we mess up real bad. Then we learn from that mistake, we make amends if that's required, we move on to become a better person. Literally everyone makes mistakes and if we didn't we wouldn't learn much. So be kinder to yourself, okay? This anxiety, this fear of mistakes, it's holding you back from your greatness and I wanna find out how amazing you can be. I hope you do too."
Fear of abandonment became you core belief because of events outside of your control when you were just a child. There are ways to fix and counter that, ways to teach you how to have healthy anxiety-free relationships. You have great core values. You believe in good things and you have a hero heart, get well and come join our team, little one, we need good people such as yourself.
Robert smiled, "That inner critic is a bit loud today, huh? It wants to save you from making mistakes but it's creating anxiety, doubt and misplaced shame. I think you need a dose of self compassion. Be as sweet to yourself as you are to others. Being kind should radiate inwards as-well as into the world beyond."
When his anxiety peaked he did the 333. Name three things you can see, three sounds you can hear and three parts of your body. It worked. It was so simple but in that 333 he broke the spiral and felt so much more calm.
Create a photo album in your imagination. Only add your favourite feel-good moments, and when anxiety next comes, let the pictures transport your soul into those times.
When you imagine a good memory the nervous system is calmed, feel good brain chemicals are released, you do yourself positive good, you start to make you own natural medicine for anxiety. In time, you begin to be able to manage your emotions better and then to help others manage theirs. Whereas you were once lost in a storm, you become a lighthouse, shining out to sea.
When anxious I vent with a person who loves me, one who has real wisdom and life experience to offer, one who is the calm and not the storm.
If you ignore the anxious thoughts as if they were some distant radio and get on with doing things that are right for you, in time they lessen and disappear.
If anxiety runs my imagination motor, the fear centre of my brain gets more interconnected, more adrenaline and cortisol flood me. Yet when I use my imagination for hope, for gratitude, for writing lyrics or stories... it gets less. When I run or ride my bike, it gets less. There is no magic wand for this, only good choices applied daily and time. That's all.
Imagination uses the same part of my brain as anxiety, and so the more imaginative I am, the less anxious I feel. Thus creative writing is both a way of finding solutions and my rest, my medication, my refuge.
Anxiety thoughts are akin to driving around the block over and over, faster and faster. It's pointless. Stop. Let your thoughts be as a car on a good road, taking the hills and valleys just the same, heading into the far horizon your passions call you toward. You owe it to yourself to take control of the wheel.
I am worthy of escaping this hurricane of thoughts, the positive and the negative analysis of the actions and words of others. I am worthy of love and a better life, I am. So instead of wondering why "they" said it or did it, I simply say, "This situation isn't working for me and I have the right to seek something that does, some place I feel loved, welcome and appreciated." And so I make my escape plan through the paths of musical lyrics and stories of adventure, through the green leaves and under open skies.
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