The denial of affection or nurture, the constant reduction of the spouse through negative comments, the reminders of shortcomings instead of strengths, are a wearing and terrible form of abuse in a marriage. Everyone can do these things sometimes, when triggered from some event, but it can only be short-term. They must correct themselves and make amends when their emotional fog clears. The standard care package expected for marriage, not the bonus plus exclusive, is nurture and cherishing. If you break this, you aren't married, it's simply become a legal construct and a trap. The truth hurts, but it will also set you free.
The abuser in a marriage often, ironically, voices that the partner is "manipulative and stupid," ironic because manipulation requires intelligence. Also, every conversation is a manipulation, the question is what the motivation is. Are they being loving and kind or cold hearted and dismissive of the other? Are they thinking of what is best for their partner or best for themselves? Because, the former is love and the latter is a form of "use" that is abuse.
A real king treats his woman as a queen, one who makes her a "peasant" is a poor imitation of a man.
If you find yourself in a space where your partner has high expectations of you and you expect nothing of them, or feel emotionally taxed if you do voice any expectations, then you are in an abusive marriage. These are the spoken methods of the male supremacist. There are instructions all over the internet, especially in the large overlap between white supremacist and misogynistic groups. There are however, naturally, a majority of good white men and a majority of good men in general whom are loving and chivalrous to women. They are still, thank the heavens, a minority. But, sister, if that sounds as if you are living that life. Seek help. You are worth loving and supporting the right way by a real man.
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