As a woman, I love my femininity, yet have been called masculine and intimidating. Being strong and clever is feminine. Being sporty and confident is feminine. We live in an age where people have begun to believe the stereotypes so strongly that they reject the truth of their own eyes and hearts. Female strength is a wonderful thing. If others have insecurity issues about that, that is their problem. Because being whom I was born to become is my pride, my well earned self esteem.
As a girl I loved pretty ribbons and climbing trees. I loved science and poetry. I loved having long hair and wearing party dresses. I ran cross-country, competing hard, often being asked to run with the boys because I beat the girls so easily. My deep voice was commented on as if it was boyish, and my willingness to play in boyish ways got me called a "tom boy." All these mixed messages. Everything I did was human and all personality traits exist in boys and girls. I was all girl. I became all woman. The rest is bias, stereotypes and judgements based on no logic or science, and certainly without enough heart. Nobody gets to tell me what I am. That comes from within.
"Woman" - womb man - is a designation, a verbal label, for those with the potential for pregnancy and childbirth. "Feminine" is wider than that, women and men enjoy traits called "feminine" because all traits exist in each gender.
It was with you that my psychology first felt equal as a human being, as someone of intelligence and self worth. It's so very hard to for a woman to acquire that even in this age of so-called equality. In our fairytales and so many stories, as a girl, you are psychologically an annex of a father, a "prince" or other male figure. English makes it a challenge too, for we are "wo-man," and "fe-male," we are the "variation" and not worthy in our own right of a title. We are a "gift to men" rather than vice versa. We are so often defined by what we give others rather than as worthy in our own right as individuals - often as good wives, mothers and daughters. This type of belonging is only healthful when there is also capability for psychological and physical independence if required. Perhaps "lady" is a better word, yet that too comes with the burden of expectations rooted in an era of women as property. "Lady" also sounds similar to "laddie" - again sounding as if we are an annex of men, the variation. We don't call boys, "ungirls" - the mode of reference would be unhealthy. Women shouldn't have to battle to recover the kind of independence required for real psychological health and wisdom, to have society see us simply as human. We should be free to express our gender on our own terms, to find many divergent and beautiful ways to express ourselves and our sexuality. Perhaps new words and better role models would help.
Anyway, I went off on a tangent again, how very me! But on the day we met one other you unlocked that cage called "woman" and handed me my own keys. I guess all it took was for someone I respect to show me equal respect. I can't believe its taken so long to meet someone like you. So now, I'm free to sit next to you, to stay as a friend, to become whatever we want to become. I think the uncomfortable truth is, we can only have true loving bonds when we are free to walk away. Isn't it "who holds the door key" the distinction between a home and a prison?
Sarah thought for a moment, clearly he felt awkward around her, "Look, Maverick, think of me as a human with different plumbing if that helps you understand me. I'm the same as you in every other way."
A woman's word has carried less worth in this world with both genders for time out of mind. Let us not pretend that patriarchy is only the work of men. For my lifetime as a woman of brain, beauty and athletic ability, I have found more scorn from women than men, more barriers, more hurdles placed in my path. That is not to say that men are not in need of some soul searching in these matters, but to say that making a better world is a task for everyone.
I am a woman, and so my brains and discoveries have been ignored and underestimated, undervalued and patronised... yet, alas, not with financial support. So I use that to my advantage. I have had a great positive effect without attention, the same way as housework or cooking does. You keep on "feeding" people, they eat and leave, some thank you and some don't. They will take from you in ways they'd never take from a man of social standing and academic worth. It still sucks though. It would be nice to be respected for what I bring, for what I've figured out and the good effects it has had.
Women and men are equally capable of empathy and emotional indifference, as such neither is a feminine or masculine trait.
As a woman, I enjoy chivalry. I think it is sweet. I'm okay with being "white knighted" because I am secure in my sense of female strength. Men who take care of women, who are protective, make society better. There is a world of difference between patriarchy (a suppressive downwards force) and chivalry (an elevating upwards force). Strong women enjoy having doors opened for them, I know I do.