supernatural job advert - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing

Dear Humanity,

I have about seven billion vacancies I need to fill right now. Apparently I'm scary and if I say BOO you'll all fall down dead, but somehow I think you'll find the idea funny and relax a bit. Once upon a time there was a guy called Jesus (very proud of Him) and he died for all your sins, so since that happened, I can take anyone who sincerely wants a better world or just needs a bit more Love in their life, some encouragement or Hope. Doesn't matter what religious badge you wear, seriously, just ask, pray or secretly hope.

I don't want to make it seem like some crummy insurance advert where they take anyone no matter what, but actually, it is a lot like that. You do need some better teachers though and they will know who they are. Things are about to get fun. Do laugh, make jokes, be creative like Me, and know you are safe in My hands. Jesus saves. I kick ass for My family. Isn't that the kind of Dad you want?

Love,

Your Heavenly Father - the best three in one deal there is, no joke, who needs BOGO? ;)