In that shiver was a moment of truth, a story of the emotions that no mask could ever hide.
I never let myself see my own fear, for it was ever a disadvantage in the place that I was raised. To cry was to be beaten and scolded. If I cried I'd be "given something to cry about." The act of crying for my own pain was literally beaten out of me. Suppressed completely. Decades later, it still is, yet channelled into my creativity, a sort of unwitting energy booster. What I cannot suppress though are these shivers that say I am afraid. Deeply afraid of you. That is why we went our separate ways. You have no idea how to nurture. I need nurture. It was never complex. All you needed to do was show love.