I was a roller-skater, a risk taker, a dancer upon high podiums and a lover of base jumping. The adrenaline was a fun high. In these moments I felt so alive. I treasure those memories as if they were high definition photographs in perfect summery hues. I was safe though, always safe. I knew my boundaries and kept within them. Seeking adrenaline and being sensible are attributes that belong together... or else you may get that "Darwin award."
Adrenaline can be my natural happy high. I always loved the sports, the dancing and the things that brought it on. I guess I got a high tolerance for it, if there is such a thing. I guess what I'm saying is, that when it comes from a sense of fun, adventure and self-love, it's wonderful. Yet it comes from the bad kind of fear too, the kind that pings your primitive self, your fear, your bad memories, your survival drive. That's the bad sort. And, I need a bit of time to sort all this out. What kind are we? I believe we are the former, but my ex was the latter. Addiction is fabulous when it is healthy and elevating, when it comes form the loving heart and soul. Let's be that... if you want that... then I'm here.
Adrenaline pumps me up, which is fun as a sort of funfair ride, yet to have it on at all times takes away my chance for rest.
You speak those words so casually, aware of the fear they bring. You speak them to control my brain and body, and they do. Why else would I follow all these stupid rules. You say you want my spirit to soar, to rise, to become as the eagle flies... yet you cause these adrenaline surges over and over that cut my wings until they bleed. This adrenaline from fear is my invisible shackles, it is the poison in my veins and it is the whip in your hand. So drop it. Talk to me with love, as a parent who thinks I am their world, and I'll fly higher than you ever dreamed possible.
"Flight, fight or freeze" is the famous adrenaline quote. Yet for women the first signs of high adrenaline is "tend and befriend." So, that friend who's always trying to help you, chances are, they need your help. It's a very female way to ask, to try to jump start some reciprocal friendship of nurture. It is worth it to respond, or at least I believe so, because to have a giver in your life is blessing. To help another is noble and chivalrous. These are good qualities, the kind we should all seek and keep.
When the adrenaline came I would be sporty, because it burned the anxious feelings away. It gave me the sense of "flight" away from whatever was causing the fear. It was effective. In time the PTSD ebbed to nothing. There does come a day when the last step in healing has been taken.
Adrenaline plus excitement equals fun. Adrenaline plus fear equals pain. It's all about getting the recipe right.
Adrenaline is the rocket fuel not the pilot or the navigator, remember that.