Abusive relationships suppress you, good ones elevate you, they raise you both higher.
If you find yourself in a space where your partner has high expectations of you and you expect nothing of them, or feel emotionally taxed if you do voice any expectations, then you are in an abusive marriage. These are the spoken methods of the male supremacist. There are instructions all over the internet, especially in the large overlap between white supremacist and misogynistic groups. There are however, naturally, a majority of good white men and a majority of good men in general whom are loving and chivalrous to women. They are still, thank the heavens, a minority. But, sister, if that sounds as if you are living that life. Seek help. You are worth loving and supporting the right way by a real man.
The abuser lives in a universe of one, and so they cannot love anybody, each other they see must be for some utility, a purpose, and have no needs of their own. They are the logical outcome of social darwinism.
Abusers coddle their self as if they were still a child, yet they arm themselves with words as if they were swords ready to impale those who love them.
The abusive one is cold of heart, bitter and entitled - always the "victim" of their victim and ever demanding fixing.
Most come through difficulty as champions, yet others become abusive. For they are masters at appearing as if they need rescue even as they commit their crimes.