"If you personify love even in times of trouble, of hardship or war, then you are truly one of the mighty. I see how no matter the stresses laid upon you, that you show more grace than many do in times of plenty. It is in those moments of pain and fear I see right to your soul and know that my faith in you, my love for you, is eternal.You are brave, kind, always giving of yourself. I want you to know that I will be the same for you; I will be your mirror, bring you what you give others - true love, the lasting kind."
Respect is more than passing pleasantries, more than nice words. It takes effort to look at the other and take in who they are and show them you regard their point of view with compassion and seriousness. It is listening without judgement, getting to know them with as few assumptions as possible. It is in careful understanding conveyed by empathic words and deeds to show the depth of feeling you hold for them. In this way respect is foundational for trust, just in the same way that trust is foundational for true love.
I never gave much thought to the notion of respect before, I simply poured out love and hoped to get some back. I guess that's why they saw me as simple, a target for aggression, a ready victim. I'm not that little girl anymore and now I know the different versions of respect I'm going to be tougher to get close to. There is the respect the opposite gender gives because they find you attractive. There is the respect of someone who wants something from you without giving anything in return - flattery. Then there is the respect of a person who truly understands what you bring to the situation, that you are worthy and worthwhile. If it isn't the third kind of respect you bring me - expect a cool reception. Just because I am emotionally open, it doesn't make me dumb.
You don't respect me; I don't think you ever did. Yet it isn't in you to be that mean and so I gather it must be part of general masculinity - to look down on the female strengths. Perhaps that isn't fair, women disregard male strengths too, disrespect them I suppose - but I never did and certainly not with you. From me you receive nothing but respect, honour and devotion and still you strike out as if I were an enemy when rage burns your insides. I am not the source of your malcontent, but the salve to ease you. I deserve respect, some of the same care I give to you every day of my life.
I can draw an analogy -when a math person who cannot draw derides art as "simple" it's just the same kind of disrespect. What you cannot do should never be thought of as simple - if I make something look easy that another person cannot do then even greater is my skill. So don't look down on my talents, on my gifts, for without them we would have no life or happiness. You may be the rock, but I am the laughter, love and light. We cannot be a world of rocks alone and I know that I am the kindling your fire needs.
We need to live a life that is more than a "dance of behaviours" - you do this and so I do that. I can't spend my life exchanging good deed for good deed like a couple of traders with wares to sell. I can't respect that. I gave you everything I am on day one and with each rising of the sun I give more. That's love. With love we just give without reserve, never keeping score of any "balance" owed. In this love I give you the benefit of the doubt always, the soft side of my nature, until you bite and show disrespect. Then I retract, wounded, unsure of the path forward. It isn't prudent to have such vulnerableness with one so prone to strike the underbelly, regardless of feelings of love - then it is time to protect the self and reassess. It puts us back to square one - respect. I have to see you respect me again before we move back to trust and then to a position of safety where I can show real love. It's silly. Just talk to me, don't I always listen?
I am the self repairing doll. I love you. You love me. Then from some inner rage you destroy me, your knowledge of who I am, what makes me vulnerable, lethal in your mouth. The anger that belongs elsewhere has become mine by virtue of doing something that annoys you and I'm a sitting duck. No matter though, after the ripping I will not only repair me but repair you too. That's what I do, right? Then we carry on, me working double time to bring back the "perfect life" I need so much. The crazy thing is it actually works and you become my perfect partner all over again, loving, doting. I pretend the damages are gone but they never are, the "scar tissue" just gets thicker. I understand the stresses of your life better than you do yourself. That's my gift - to understand emotions and feelings so well. Yet if you want true miracles you have to take the things out of your life that fill you with that bitter rage, then I can have the best version of you for keeps. If you could just have some respect for what I bring to our relationship, that would be a start.
I see how you toil each day, work harder than anyone, keep your head down and get on with what must be done. I see you suffer - a modern slave in a modern world. I see you make great efforts to keep the stress of the workplace outside of our home or trapped in your own head. I respect that, I do. Stoic isn't quite the word for you, you're more than that, yet I wish for your own sake you'd find a safe way to let those feelings out.
I had to earn the respect of so many before you gave yours. I had to walk a thousand miles before you'd take one step toward me. I had to fly to the moon before you'd agree I was capable of taking off. Why? You should have been the first to encourage and the last to give up on me. I wish you had been. I wish. I can do what I said I would do and now that we have reached a level of respect, can you take the leap into belief?
Respect existence or expect resistance.
Authored by , here.
So, my biggest turn ons are feeling respected and being listened to. I don't care how big your boat is, just lookin' for a brave captain who wants to sail as ship mates, co-captains, that's all folks.