We are angel unit "Alterations and Repairs." When you have a heartbreak of great magnitude we feel the shockwaves and come so see what we can do. If there are alterations to make we do those first, trying to teach the person new skills they need for future relationships. We also seek to repair the damage, and in victims that can be an extensive and extended task that takes years. Yet here is the good news, once alterations and repairs are done we can re-pair you at the alter. Be warned, however, if we come it is a once in a lifetime deal... you get your alter-ration and the rest is up to you to make it work. We care not for human marriage, yet only that the heart can make its eternal bond to a soulmate. Lovers is enough, but marry if you will. We are angels. Here to heal and bring love.
Heartbreak is evidence that I loved in good faith, that I made the kind of bond that hurts so very much to break. Yet in the pride that I did it right, that I was honest and loved with such integrity, is the start of my healing, for self respect is required.
Heartbreak is a great pain and stress on both brain and body. It is a strong biological phenomena that can be measured. So, that I suffered so much upon walking away, that I took that harm upon myself to safeguard others, that is the mark of a great person. I am a great person. I did it right. I can hold my head high.
Thank you for breaking me; isn't that a line from Sinead O'Connor? I never understood it before. It used to sound like permission, albeit retroactive, to hurt someone. I get it now. Only a lover can wound so deep, cut to the very core. That level of trauma has to be an inside job. You broke me and watched me bleed. You saw me fail to eat, fail to sleep, and you kept on the pressure with your lies and manipulations, increasing the level of cruelty as you went. After all that, what can there be left underneath but the untouchable part of me, my soul, the girl you can never hurt. I can't be more raw than that, more exposed, more pure. So thank you, because as Sinead said, "now I have a strong, strong heart, thank you, thank you for breaking my heart."
My heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, gruelling, stealing appetite and sleep alike. It is a shard in my guts that never leaves, though perhaps in time the edges will dull. It feels like death just the same as bereavement and in quiet moments it chokes the breath from my body and short circuits my mind. What was once whole is shattered; where once was peace is emptiness, echoes of a love I put my everything into. With each passing day you take another step away though I asked you to show some sign of caring, affection, of love. All you bring is anger, suspicion and an averted gaze. My only "crime" was to not be able to cope with your rage, with the words you allowed to spill unchecked. I have always done my best for you and, even now, still am. Inadequate as you find me, this is my best, it is all that is left of a once a proud and strong soul - fragments on the floor, scared that the next wind will blow them away.
Since your love turned to poison, my mind cycles through emotions faster than a kid flipping radio channels. I've gone from level to rocky - fighting a mixture of competing emotions, each of them vying for dominance. After the reboot of sleep I am calm, the day stretching ahead with possibilities - time to get jobs done, connect with friends, enjoy nature. Yet this coping is a thin veil over trauma and even the smallest of set backs change my emotional landscape. By evening the sadness wells up, uncertainty rushing to the fore, and I know it is time to sleep. How the crazy dreams stitch my head back together I haven't a clue, it's a new miracle every night.
Baby, you are a warrior, but even the men of war take off their armour once in a while. I see glimpses of the man underneath - but then you work to cover it up, hide your true self from my eyes. To see you hide when I share all that I am is a heartbreak, a wound in my soul. Connecting with you feels like journeying toward a mirage, will my desert ever end?
Only one I love so much could be my assassin. It takes an inside job to attack one so resilient to emotional injury. That is my heartbreak, to know you are the tool of my greatest pain, my lover. I could be hurt in any way by another and still bounce right back, but you... but you... can do far worse with just a few small words. You don't mean them, I know it - in a way that makes it worse.
I am more than flesh, greater than bones. I am what you need, a solution to your troubled world. So why do I feel like your doormat? You break my heart every day without knowing it. I bring you love; you see weakness. I offer what you need and you take it, who values what is free? Who cherishes something that appears in infinite supply? Baby, it isn't as endless as it appears. As my heart breaks so do I, dying a little more every time you treat me like an enemy. I'm not. I'm just the easiest target.
This heartbreak feels cold. It feels like concrete drying in my chest. This heartbreak was unexpected, as they always are - top of the world one minute and cut down the next. Why is that? Is there part of you that dislikes to see me happy when you are miserable? You do know it is you I am trying to help, right? It is you I work so hard for? Perhaps this is your way of returning to the feelings you are most comfortable with, your chance to dwell in pain and pessimism once more. Yet I can't live there, can't dwell there. So come with me to happiness without throwing another spanner in the works. There are only so many times you can break this heart - one day it'll heal all wrong, heal with you on the outside.
Only a lover such as you can cause pain as deep as this. Only one all the way inside a heart can shatter it with just a few words. Worst part is - you know that, don't you? You love me, you need me, you destroy me... then the music starts all over again.
There is a part of you that feels low in status, powerless. There is a part of you that resents my "easier" life, though you'd never want to be me. There is part of you that wants me to suffer as you do... and so every once in a while you break my heart. Power. Unearned revenge. Misery for both. Guilt for you. Sadness for me. Who wins? It's just relationship poison.
Daryl, the heartbreak I endured was no less than a hurricane. The devastation was absolute, our emotional home levelled, torn apart. There is nothing for us to return to. We stand together and alone. When I reach inside of myself I find that what is left is raw but solid, a strong foundation to build a new life upon, a peaceful one. I have a chance to only allow in those that are kindred to my spirit, that nurture and love. I'm wiser; I know for whom the doors must always be locked. It is a chance for change and renewal, an opportunity to grow and learn. Though the loss of you was once was my nightmare, I can breathe once more. I can see the light of the new day even when all else is dark. There are more dreams to come for you and I, sunshine on rainy days, laughter and silliness, just not together. I wish you happiness, joy and love. I hope you wish the same for me.
Once you were my sunshine, the one for whom I lit from the inside. I used to feel a frisson of love even if my thoughts turned your way for only a moment. The image of your face once conjured my smile; I would yearn to dive into your eyes. I would have done anything you asked, given you whatever you wished for.
I know they say people turn on the one they feel safest with, make them the target instead of those that might warrant it. But I can't forget what you did, what you said, what you thought is was alright to do to me. With a gun to my head I would never have done those things to you. I would have rather died. So to know how worthless my love was to you is the knife that sets me free, cuts the mooring rope. And I'm better off this way, adrift from your shore, safer.